


because we separate like ripples on a blank shore

by iwrotestuff



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 06:32:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwrotestuff/pseuds/iwrotestuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aoba falls in love and Ren has to watch him be happy with someone else.  He can't help but feel like he was cheated out of something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	because we separate like ripples on a blank shore

He doesn’t know when Aoba’s relationship starts to hurt. It goes from just being there for Aoba, watching him with his partner, watching the smiles and the affection when suddenly, Ren just can’t watch anymore. It’s claustrophobic in a way that he has never experienced before, this feeling of being helpless in this myriad of feelings that he isn’t sure he’s supposed to feel. When he watches Aoba smile and kiss the other man, Ren can feel himself glitch and lose power, the edges of his vision going black for no reason. When Aoba goes out on dates, Ren doesn’t want to be brought along and is almost relieved when he is left behind as the months roll by. It’s a mix of relief and abandonment. Instead, he finds himself being shut down more and more, to the point that almost a week passed from one time of being in sleep mode.

And he tries to justify this for Aoba, because no matter what, no matter how little attention he gets, no matter how little _he_ matters to Aoba, to Ren that was not important. Because Aoba will always be his number one, his special partner, his everything.

Then Ren’s memories come back, and it isn’t as simple as that.

Now when Aoba comes back home all giddy and happy from a date, or in the rare occurrence of Ren being taken with, just that look of adoration directed towards another, that look killed Ren. It tore at… at whatever he has, whatever he’s supposed to be in this allmate body, this useless body that can’t do anything for him anymore. Can’t satisfy this damning and disgusting feeling of love and lust he has for Aoba, this yearning to touch him and hold him that refuses to go away.

Time passes and Ren can’t go on anymore. Can’t help but feel like he was cheated out of something, this feeling that something else was supposed to happen, that Aoba was supposed to see Ren, really _see_ him, see what he really is, who Aoba really is but that didn’t happen. Instead, this other man came along and took over, pushing Ren out of the way of his own happiness, forcing Aoba to erase a part of himself, the other Aoba, and Ren himself as well. In the end, this cannot go further. Because the other Aoba is ‘dead’, and so Ren should be dead as well. If Aoba is going to be rid of his other selves, shut everything away and move on, ignoring his past and everything that he really was, then who was Ren to stop him?

The last thing he’s aware of before disappearing is Aoba walking around in his room, chatting away with his lover, oblivious to Ren’s presence. And despite everything, Ren can’t make himself hate Aoba because Ren’s duty was always to protect him, take care of him and unsure his happiness, so if this made Aoba happy… then Ren would be happy for him.

But that did not mean he wanted to be around to see it.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from 'reckoner' by radiohead.


End file.
